I need my first paragraph revised because I was told “ Here are a few things I’ve noticed. Let’s start off with your thesis. You have a great start to it so far, though it is reading a bit vague. The thesis is your main claim and argument and the structure of can greatly impact how you organize your paper . You want to be rather specific in what you set out to talk about. Consider this : Think of the question you are engaging with. The thesis is typically the answer to this question. Then think about the “how?” The “how” will become the main points . You want to make sure your thesis reflects what you wrote in your paper and vice versa . Let’s take a look at it: “Some even make huge losses , accrue debts, and eventually fall out of business The failure, in most cases, is a result of poor implementation of the marketing strategies. ” In this type of essay, you want to make sure you are proposing your solution in your thesis statement . You mention partnership and/or merging as the best approach to prevent huge losses, depts, and other failures , yet it seems as though you don’t introduce this solution until your fifth body paragraph . Consider this: ” Partnership and/or merging is the best strategy for companies to avoid huge losses, accrue debts, and fall out out of business due to poor marketing strategies .” Here I used what you had already written and rearranged/ combined them to form one cohesive thesis statement. a guide on how to use academic word choice, you can refer to this website: https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and tools/word-choice/” all I need you to do is fix it up. In my file will be my full 5 page essay but you will only be working on the very first page. I’m sending my whole essay for the thesis.
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