Respond to at least one of your classmates and provide any insight or suggestions that you may have to help her/him with making revisions.
Week 8 Topic 1 –
National security can be necessary for a country but inflicts problems amongst its people, putting them in a vulnerable situation. My core values of honesty, loyalty, perseverance, and desire profoundly influence my opinion on freedom and security. Honesty is essential to a country and its people; therefore, we must be honest with each other about our freedom and security. The world is always changing, and the more honesty we have with one another about recognizing our liberties, the easier it will be to live at peace. Loyalty helps with understanding the country’s core belief of freedom and not straying from them. Loyalty will speak a lot about a country’s people, a country with loyal citizens is a thriving country because the people will do what it takes for that country’s prosperity. Perseverance will keep a person thriving, and when their beliefs fall under what is best for the country, they will make a change and not fall under the loss of its liberties. Lastly, desire brings everything into a full circle and will help remind those of what is most important. These core values should be implemented into considerations for what is right for the prosperity of the country.
After reading this paragraph, I’m not satisfied with how it flows with the rest of my essay. I noticed the paragraph needs to be paraphrased better and some other minor adjustments that could be made. My plan to revise this paragraph is to start by using more joining words to connect sentences then minimize the use of pronouns. After that, make sure that the paragraph is concise as possible with none of the same words in a single sentence.
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